what I went through yesterday. Just when I think I have a pretty good idea of what I look like, God graciously removes more of my "filters" and allows me to see who I am really am and what I am full of. Wiping away the layers of sin that can cover my view of myself is horrible and hard, but worth it in my quest to become more like Christ. I am so glad that God promised in Romans 8:29 that He would cause me to look more like His Son. I don't think I would willingly go down that path on my own. So yesterday was my day that I get once a month to go off by my myself and be alone with God.
It was an experience that was very not normal for me. I went down to a local dock and stayed right there all day. I prayed, read Scripture, as well as read through a portion of a book by John Piper called "A Hunger for God". The book was all about prayer and fasting and the importance of it. As I was going through the book one overwhelming thought kept pounding in my head. It was this "Are my longings for God as strong as my longings are for food." The idea behind this day is to take a break from all that is normal and routine and focus on God. Part of that "break" is from food as well. So as my stomach got louder and louder...so did the thought that I just mentioned. The answer that kept resounding back to me is "no, no". There were some points during my day yesterday where I was willing to close up shop and go get a sandwich or something like that just to make the pain go away.
Not only did that thought pound in my head all day long, but a quote from Piper's book sunk deep into my soul as well. Here is the quote:
It is the subtle sense that grows in us, usually unconsciously, that the real effectiveness of our spiritual acts is at the horizontal level among people, not before the fact of God. In other words, if my children see me pray at meals, it will do them good. If my staff sees me fasting, they will be inspired to fast. If my roommate sees me read my Bible, he may be inspirited to read his, and so on. Now that's not all bad. Jesus' public prayers certainly inspired the disciples. But the danger is that all of our life - including our spiritual life - starts to be justified and understood simply on the horizontal level for the effects it can have because others see it happening. And so God subtly and slowly can become a secondary person in the living of our lives. We may think that He is important to us. All of these things are are things that He would want us to do. But, in fact, He Himself is falling out of the picture as the focus of it all. And this registers in the motives of our hearts so that we feel satisfied when others are watching, but feel unmotivated if no one else knows what we are doing - NO ONE BUT GOD!
Just a thought for today. I thought I would close though with a final thought from Piper for those of you who might be slightly interested in fasting... "The absence of fasting is the measure of our contentment with the absence of Christ." In other words, the more you fast...the more you long for Christ. The less you fast...the more content with Him Christ being gone. Piper is not infallible and he can be wrong...but on this point, I agree with Him one hundred percent. It was tough to fast yesterday... no doubt about it. I think I would gladly do it every single day though if it meant being able to focus on God as I was able to do yesterday.
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